


Pressure

by GotnoCrayons



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pressure, caring svt, sick hanni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 07:42:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15044009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GotnoCrayons/pseuds/GotnoCrayons
Summary: Once you reach you limits you have to slow down.Otherwise your body makes you slow down.Seungcheol was worried for Jeonghan. He seemed allright but there was something off about the boy.





	Pressure

Yoon Jeonghan had been perfectly fine. He was cheering everyone up, laughing and pranking. His usual self. But looking at him made Seungcheol worry. Out of no reason so he thought. The leader blamed it on the crush he had on the angelic male and the pressure they were receiving. He sat next to him for the fansign and smiled brightly.  Exited even to meet their fans. Seungcheols eyes were focused on him a moment too long,  making their fans scream adoring. The shippingname was a burden on him. It reminded the eldest on what he could never have. He looked around. Checked on the other members, laughing silently when Seungkwan and Vernon decided to argue over nothing. He didn't notice that only then Jeoghans smile wasn't as bright as before. 

He was hungry. God was he hungry but he couldn't eat in the morning.  Not without feeling sick. Maybe he should have talked with Cheol. He didn't want to bother him though only because he got sick. As soon as they arrived in the dorm he excused himself. He still wasn't able to eat. Before going home they got take out. Jeonghan had felt sick the moment he looked at the burger. 

In the bathroom he knelt down. The past weeks had been hectic. Preparing the comeback, interviews and many other shows and photohootings. There hasn't been a second to rest. For non of them. The male worried for some of the younger members. Were they eating enough?  Sleeping? He himself sure as hell wasn't. He felt rather insomniac. Maybe the reason he had gotten sick this easily.  Or was it the pressure he felt? He threw up. It hurt a lot because there was no food in his stomach to begin with. 'Hanni? He could hear Joshuas soft voice. 'You okay?'  Had he heared that? 'A second. I need a moment.' 'Mhm. Hurry. I have to use the toilet real quick.' A lie. His best friend knew him better than anyone and Jeonghan knew that other than Seungcheol he was watching over him as well.  He slowly stood up. Holding himself upright on the sink. His legs were shaking.  His whole body was. He would have to act really good now to get away from Joshua. 

He opened the door and smiled. 'There you go.' And he was right. Joshua eyes held disbelief. 'You are pale.' He said but then walked in. 'Lay down and rest. I know you didn't sleep properly.' With that Jeonghan hurried to hide himself under the blanket. Avoid anyone and try to sleep. That was his plan. 'Hyunnngie~' Seungkwan walked in his room and sat on his bed. 'We want to play a few games. Join us?' he asked. 'Tomorrow maybe.' Jeonghan said. His whole body hid under the blanket. 'I am tired.' 'Naww. Then sleep well. We will try to not be too loud.' They won't be able too. His members always were screaming a lot when they played games together. 

Sleep. It will be better tomorrow.  

His stomach hurt. It hurt even more because it was empty again. Tomorrow they would practice the new dance. He had to eat something before that otherwise he'd probably collapse and worry his members. His eyes closed but his mind never shut up. It was buzzing loud without giving him a chance to actually get a grip on one thought. Everything went through his head all at one.  Comeback, interviews, photoshoot and every mistake he had made since they debuted. 

This is how the person who went to bed was the last to be awake. Seungcheol had checked up on him, silently running his finger through his hair. 'You would talk to me what something is wrong, right?' Jeonghan felt bad. The leader was worrying about him and here he was, pretending to be asleep to avoid the questions. 

The next day promised to be like hell. He woke up with a massive headache. He couldn't see properly because it hurt so bad and it took seconds for him to run to the bathroom.  Again throwing up what wasn't there. He wrapped his arms around his stomach. Oh god. Jeonghan had never felt worse.  He couldn't even move the slightest without bending down in pain. Luckily nobody was awake yet. It would've been surprising because he was awake 3 hours before they normally stood up. 

It took him an hour to stand up and get ready. In the shower he had to sit down. Letting the water run over him. After that he got dressed and moved his body to the kitchen, preparing something to eat. 

What he never touched. As soon as the first member was awake, Vernon he gave it to him, saying that he already ate. 

 

The dance practice was hard. Really hard. And now his members noticed that he was lacking.  Hoshi stopped several times to ask Jeonghan if he was okay because he couldn't memorise the steps. 'I think you should sit down. You look exhausted.' He protested and his wish was granted until his legs nearly gave out and Seungcheol had to catch his friend from falling. 'I don't care what you say but I bring you home now.' he sounded angry but was only worried. The moment Jeonghan fell his face paled to the color of a sheet of paper. 

He wrapped the blanket around the boy and turned on the TV, knowing that his friend wouldn't calm down in silence. 'What is wrong?' 'I just haven't slept that well.' The last past weeks actually but Seungcheol didn't have to know that.  He worried enough. 'You look like a dead body.' the leader pressed. 'You can't concentrate, you nearly collapsed.' Jeonghan buried  himself with the blanket. Once again. 'I will feel better tomorrow. I promise.' he whimpered. 'And if not I will carry you to the doctor myself.' Seungcheols face was hard but his eyes were pleading at his bandmate.

Please be okay. 

After a while he had to leave again. Actually he wanted to excuse himself to watch over his friend, his crush, but he as the leader had to go back to practice. The next few hours went by in slow motion. Jeonghan felt stuck. Stuck in his bed and stuck in this whole situation. If he doesn't practice he has to learn even more in the following days. And the appointments weren't going to wait as well. He had to get better fast. The thoughts stressed him out. So much that instead of calming down, his heart was going way to fast. That's how he felt at least. All this made him thirsty and hungry. His stomach felt like it tried to eat itself. He stood up.

And sat down the next second. When did the world start to spin? He blinked slowly, buried his fingers into the mattress. Oh god. He felt so dizzy. If he fell or moved here, he didn't know but soon he found himself on the ground. The mattress had been so soft that it didn't help the spinning in his head. It made everything worse. He had to eat. Obviously his body was longing for it. Why didn't he ask Seungcheol? Was it this hard to show his weakness.  They had a caring leader, who would do everything in his power to help. Even ignore his own health and Jeonghan had promised to watch out for exactly that. He couldn't be the one adding pressure on the male. 

How much time went by, he didn't know. With short steps, he had managed to find the way into the kitchen. The still water felt good as he drank it. Still, looking at the sandwich he had made himself he felt sick all over again. When you don't eat for a long time you feel sick at first but as soon as you eat, you'll feel better. Jeonghan promised himself. One bite made him realise that he was wrong. Running and feeling dizzy is a rather bad combination. It felt like he had to blindly find his way.  Pain. So much pain. 

Nothing came out of his stomach other than the small piece of bread he managed to swallow. This was not going well. His head was killing him and sitting upright was in no way possible. 

One hour until the members would be back. Jeonghan looked around. Looking for painkillers. He found some in Joshuas bag next to the bathtub. That would help. He took one pill and added another two after a few minutes. To be extra save he stored some more in his bedroom. When he laid back down in his bed though sleep was still impossible.  His thoughts were dull now. Dull but still loud. He wanted it to stop so badly. 

 

'Hanni?' Seungchel whispered as he sat down next to the seemingly sleeping body. 'Hey.' he softly pushed the blanket away. Jeonghan opened his eyes and jawed. 'Huh?' 'Sorry to wake you...' you didn't.  'But I brought some tee for you.' The leader placed it next to the bed. 'How are you feeling?' He was prepared that the other would lie straight away. 'A lot better. I think it was good to get some extra hours of rest.' 

'Hanni... you look worse.' Seungcheol pressed his lips together showing how shocked he was. 'You didn't sleep at all.' A statement and he was sure he was stating the truth with it. 'I...' The fact that the younger male couldn't think of anything to say gave him even more prove. 'I... will go to the doctor tomorrow.' Jeonghan sighed defeated. 'I'll bring you.' 'You have a photoshoot AND interviews. Don't worry. I will go there myself. I only am a bit worn out.' He was desperate for him to believe it. Seungcheol nodded, forming a plan in his head. 'Okay. But only if you call us when you arrive and get back home with a detailed explanation as to what the doctor told you.' 'okay.' Thankful Seungcheol smiled at him. 'I hope you'll feel better soon, ba... uhm bout time...' He stayed him until he got tired himself and went to bed. 

The next day came and with every hour he checked his phone more often. 

No calls, no texts. 

The sick boy was probably still sleeping. Just to be sure he asked the other members to tell him if Jeonghan texted. They agreed, all worried all the same, but non of them got a call. This is why the leader went outside and called Jeonghan himself. No success.    He had to get back home. Now!

 

Jeonghan wanted to go to the doctor.  He really did. But it took him only a few minutes of sitting to realise that he couldn't go alone. Sending Seungcheol off was a bad idea. Like a daily routine he dragged himself to the kitchen to eat, only to lock himself into the bathroom.  At this point the pain had drowned all his thoughts. Whatever he did was unplanned and unfocused. While walking around the kitchen table he knocked down a plate. He didn't think twice before he knelt down slowly and picked up the broken pieces. Only when he had to lean against the table because he got dizzy again he saw that he had cut himself. Instead of cleaning it and securing the wounds he wanted to go back to his bedroom. 

It only got worse. He closed his eyes as soon as his back hit the mattress but whimpered loudly because this was when everything got too much. His heartbeat was too fast as well as his breathing, his head hurt and is stomach was acting up again. 

Pain. Pain. Too much pain. 

He didn't even remember when he took out the rest of the painkillers. Didn't even know how many he took but when the sound of Seungcheols voice found the way into his ears he had already passed out. 

 

 

'Jeonghan!' He was sure his heart would stop. The first thing Seungcheol saw when he walked into the dorm was blood and a broken plate. Jeonghan nowhere to be seen . What could be seen though were the drips of blood, all the way to his friends room. 'Shit!' He ran, ripped open the door and froze when he saw him. Some pills next to his hands, eyes closed and head tilted to the side. 

He would never sleep like that. 

His hands where shaking when he climbed on top of the bed. 'Hanni...?' He had to breathe deeply before he was able to check his pulse. Be okay. Please be okay! 

He felt it. 

 After letting out a sign of relieve he acted fast. He called the ambulance and watched Jeonghan closely. His hand held tightly, afraid he might disappear. 'What happened, hanni?' When the ambulance arrived he already was in tears. 

 

 Only when he arrived at the hospital, knowing his friend was in good hands, he called his members.  His voice broke several times and Vernon already started to panic the first time the leader had to stop. 'Come to the hospital... Jeonghanni...' 

He didn't wait for Seungcheol to finish and called the other members, told them to sit down before he told them where they were about to go because he knew they'd panic. Jihoon had already lost it when he saw the blood. 

 

'How is he?' Asked Seungcheol when he was called by a nurse. 'He's stable now. It wasn't easy to find out why he passed out. He took many painkillers.' She carefully said. 'Lost a lot of blood because the cuts are pretty deep. But...' she looked down on some notes. 'His whole body is drained of energy.' Seungcheol didn't understand half of it. Hands still shaking. Never had he wanted to find a friend like that. Even more the person he fell for.  'We will have to talk to him as soon as he is awake. He is dehydrated and it looks like he didn't eat.' 'He did...' he silently  interrupted her. 'But he locked himself in the bathroom once. Probably more then once then.' He wanted to scream. 

 

'He was exhausted all the time...joshua told me he locked himself in the bathroom... he was pale... tired. I should have stayed.' Seungcheol sat in one of the plastic chairs next to Jeonghana bed. Jihoon was next to him. Just like the rest of the group they looked like a mess. 'He didn't want be a bother. I know that. And STILL I left him alone.' 'Coups!' Jihoon hugged him close. 'It's not your fault. He overworked himself... and now it is our cue to help. It went too far but we ... couldn't help because he tried to keep the pressure away from each of us.' 

Jeonghan had been awake for a few minutes before. Joshua and Jun had been in the room then. They told Seungcheol exactly what their friend said. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep because his mind was running. The pressure had been eating him alive and he didn't want to make the situation worse for the others. Everyone was pressured but for Jeonghan, at that time, it was too much. 'He'll take a break.  Will get better and we will make sure he always tells us if something is bothering him.' Jihoons voice was soft. Seungcheol had lost control so he had to make sure he had a shoulder to lean on. Jeonghan didn't want this, in the end though he was the one who managed to bring their leader down. 

These two would have a lot to talk and Jihoon knew exactly how much it would be. 

Where love can break you, it also can heal. 

 

And heal it did. 

 

The first night back home already proved it. Instead of sleeping alone Jeonghan asked Seungcheol to share a bed. His pressured mind wouldn't shut up this easyly but he was sure having the leader closer would calm him enough.  

One night turned into a habit and this habit forced seungcheol to say what he was hiding ...actually not that well. 

'I love you, Hanni.' 

 

'I love you too.' 

 

 


End file.
